My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
