She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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