There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
