I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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