Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
