i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
