I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
