I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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