Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
