dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
