Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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