I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
