My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just google imaged poop.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
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Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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