Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
