I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
