I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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