I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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