Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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