I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
