She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize