shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I am spending my child support on dildos
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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