can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
