I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
