You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
