Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
