I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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