This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
