I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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