girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
