it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
