I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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