sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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