I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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