i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
