We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
