Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
