Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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