He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
