thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
