Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
