i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
