I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We named our party play list daddy issues
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
