i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
