Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
