My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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