Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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