our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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