don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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