What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
