Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
