I'll bet she douches with gravy.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She even gives head with a lisp.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
