yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
jump out the window naked night went bad
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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