True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I got inside last night via doggy door
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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