How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
