sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
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When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
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You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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