you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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