So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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