Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
