look no pants
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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