It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
