Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
