so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
