yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Can Purell be used as lube?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
