god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
