i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
