Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
