New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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