About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
