Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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