I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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