Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
