He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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