it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
