I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
