I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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