The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
